Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
This gyro tastes like lonliness
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
