...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
