It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
