you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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