My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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