I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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