She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
