I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize