Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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