The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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