That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
