You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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