Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
