Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
