Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
