thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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