he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
