is your mom at the bar?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My bed smells like the plague
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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