plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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