OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
