I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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