Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
