i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
