I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
