If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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