you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
