i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
