What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
