Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
