69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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