Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
