Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
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It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
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No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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