Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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