I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
