I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
