I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You ate ashes out of my bong
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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