i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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