Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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