There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
