that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
