New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
