When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
