He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
