I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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