you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
