Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
