please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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