He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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