I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
