I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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