weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
