i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You don't make any sense
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