Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
