I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize