as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
