I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
