Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
