Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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