Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
