Me too!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
