I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
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