his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
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He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
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I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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