wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
