it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
