i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
