Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
