CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
