What did we do last night that was yellow?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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