You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
