Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
