dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
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you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
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Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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