One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
