i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
