She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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