My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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