When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
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I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
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Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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