Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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