i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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