FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
